Something strange has happened.
I miss my sister.
For the first time in my life, I have no family living near me and I can feel it taking a toll on me even though I remind myself it's good preparation for all that is to come in the very near future. I'm in my last year of college and my sister just graduated from grad school. We've never lived more than 20 minutes apart, expect for the two years that she was in college and I was finishing up high school. But I still had my parents and my childhood friends, plus I was an angsty teenager that didn't appreciate the beauty of having siblings.
I miss being able to call her up when I'm feeling alone or bored or simply hungry and having it be a sure thing that I'd have someone to spend time with.
The more I look back at the past 20 years of my life, the more I realize how profoundly an impact my sister has had on me.
I had a realization recently that -- while I have forged my own path in life and ended up in a completely different field and mindset than my sister -- she was the one that has enabled me to get to where I am. Not because she had that intention or really has been that invested in doing that, but because she has been the constant in my life that I have -- mostly unintentionally -- looked up to and copied reliably.
When we were little, we both figure skated. My sister decided to take a soccer class and I did too. She signed up for volleyball, and when I was able to, I did too. She loved to draw and I tried my best to be just as creative. My sister was an amazing flute player, and the year I could sign up for band class, there was no question that I would. Once in high school, she quit volleyball to focus on band and art, and then, so did I.
She came to the University of Oregon, and two years later, I was in Eugene too living in the same residence hall and walking the same streets that she did.
It's really interesting to think about because I remember times when she would be so angry that I was "copying" her and I would always get defensive and say that I just liked the same things and that not everything was about her. Well, too bad younger self, you were probably copying her.
There's always a competitive nature among siblings, but I think I got the amazing benefits from that relationship that my sister may not have. Even though she sometimes has said how it's annoying that I've surpassed her in some of these activities, it's probably only because she did them first. So I hope in some way or at some point, she can be proud instead.
In many ways, I am not similar to my sister at all anymore -- in location, field, friends, goals in life -- but a lot of the things that have led me to where I am are because of her.
And I'd like to think these things have also led her to what she is too: a teacher.