The Opposite of Loneliness

There are so many feelings that surround college graduation. In the past several weeks, I have felt so incredibly happy, loved, accomplished, welcome. But in the same several weeks, I have felt the inverse of all of those things with equal and heavy force. These emotions are pushing and pulling like I've never experienced before. 

It's hard to stay afloat. Yet, that is exactly what you must do. In this sea of uncertainty, you have to conjure up your own life rafts and then hold on to them for dear life. Because really, what is the alternative? 

There are two things I remember from the many speeches on graduation day. The first: in all likeliness, everyone you're sitting next to, laughing with, celebrating with... they were all strangers just a few years (or less) ago. The second: Living in the future connects you with anxiety and living in the past connects you with depression, so live in the moment.

These are the mental life rafts that help me back to safety when loneliness and fear nearly win out over logic. 

I have just started reading a book by the same name as this post, with writing from Marina Keegan, a writer who passed away shortly after she graduated from Yale a few years ago. If that is not motivation enough to live in the moment, her writing is intensely beautiful and the introduction to the book captured the essence of college graduation so well that I want to share. Because what is a good writer if they can't pay homage to other's writing that makes the heart flutter and ache all in one go: 

We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that's what I want in life. What I'm grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I'm scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow after Commencement and leave this place. 

It's not quite love and it's not quite community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it's four A.M. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can't remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats. 

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers – partnerless, tired, awake. We won't have those next year. We won't live on the same block as all our friends. We won't have a bunch of group texts. 

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse, I'm scared of losing this web we're in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. 

Peace for her lies in possibility, which she says we must not let go of. This will be another thought that I cling to in the coming weeks. Because possibility is abundant, everywhere, and is only limited by what you make it. 

In the absence of religion, I believe:

Things happen for a reason, and a lot of the time that reason is hard work and ambition. Sometimes it's just luck and timing. And sometimes, it's just what you need to tell yourself in order to get by. 

Curiosity can be found anywhere, even if you have to really look for it. 

Sometimes work that doesn't benefit you directly benefits you the most. 

There's no right course for life, and if you look for one, you'll waste a lot of time. 

Family comes in all forms. Regardless of where it is found, cherish and nurture it. 

Full of love.

Every time I go to a Creative Strat extravaganza, I enter knowing that the incoming class of thinkers will push the boundaries of what this program has to offer. It's like welcoming so many fresh creative minds to our little advertising world that we cherish so much. 
I'm excited for you. 

Today also makes me realize my love for my peers. This group of seniors amaze and inspire me every day. It's days like these that it strikes me that these people around me are the people who will be the leaders in the next generation of thinkers and makers out in the world. 
I'm excited for them, excited for us. 
Because these are the people I get to tackle problems with and have the privilege of learning from. 

We talk a lot about investment, and that isn't just about the work you do. It comes from the people around you. We're invested in our projects and the program, but we're also invested in each other. Over this past week, as we were working hours into the morning polishing our projects for presentation, I heard constant pep talks making the rounds.  You could build someone up, and an hour later then when you we're feeling down, someone else would do the same for you. Not because we were working together, but simply because we are there for each other. 
Helping other people succeed gives you the most power you can have. 

I am full of love, full of hope, and can't wait to get to work. 

What I owe to my sister

Something strange has happened. 
I miss my sister. 

For the first time in my life, I have no family living near me and I can feel it taking a toll on me even though I remind myself it's good preparation for all that is to come in the very near future. I'm in my last year of college and my sister just graduated from grad school. We've never lived more than 20 minutes apart, expect for the two years that she was in college and I was finishing up high school. But I still had my parents and my childhood friends, plus I was an angsty teenager that didn't appreciate the beauty of having siblings. 

I miss being able to call her up when I'm feeling alone or bored or simply hungry and having it be a sure thing that I'd have someone to spend time with. 

The more I look back at the past 20 years of my life, the more I realize how profoundly an impact my sister has had on me. 

I had a realization recently that -- while I have forged my own path in life and ended up in a completely different field and mindset than my sister -- she was the one that has enabled me to get to where I am. Not because she had that intention or really has been that invested in doing that, but because she has been the constant in my life that I have -- mostly unintentionally -- looked up to and copied reliably. 

When we were little, we both figure skated. My sister decided to take a soccer class and I did too. She signed up for volleyball, and when I was able to, I did too. She loved to draw and I tried my best to be just as creative. My sister was an amazing flute player, and the year I could sign up for band class, there was no question that I would. Once in high school, she quit volleyball to focus on band and art, and then, so did I. 
She came to the University of Oregon, and two years later, I was in Eugene too living in the same residence hall and walking the same streets that she did. 

It's really interesting to think about because I remember times when she would be so angry that I was "copying" her and I would always get defensive and say that I just liked the same things and that not everything was about her. Well, too bad younger self, you were probably copying her.

There's always a competitive nature among siblings, but I think I got the amazing benefits from that relationship that my sister may not have. Even though she sometimes has said how it's annoying that I've surpassed her in some of these activities, it's probably only because she did them first. So I hope in some way or at some point, she can be proud instead. 

In many ways, I am not similar to my sister at all anymore -- in location, field, friends, goals in life -- but a lot of the things that have led me to where I am are because of her. 

And I'd like to think these things have also led her to what she is too: a teacher. 

Who says being a band geek is bad?

In fact, it's probably the best thing that could've happened to me. 

I say "happened to me" simply because when I was starting elementary band as a 5th grader picking up a clarinet for the first time, I had literally no idea that it would be the one thing that made me who I am and that I credit for my intelligence, social skills, leadership ability, passion and a whole hoard of other things that have been a direct effect of my being a band geek. 

When I was ten and squawking out Ode to Joy over and over again, I did not know that I would meet some of the best people in my life because of being a band geek. I didn't know that I would be part of -- not to mention a leader in -- a band that performed on national levels and took me to California, Texas, Nebraska, Nevada, Washington and other states that I can't even remember because we got to travel that much. When I was twelve and having anxiety over having my first solo, I did not know that I would stand in front of 60,000 people each week and direct my university's marching band. Even when I was fourteen and my sister was teaching me to forward and backward march in our driveway, I did not know that I would become a leader in an organization that represents the best of the best in band. 

I think of how I got here and it seems almost chance, even though if I thought hard enough I could describe perfectly the hours spent running, marching, practicing scales; the tears after failed auditions and fights with members of my section; the thoughts constantly running through my mind about how to make my band better and how to make my chapter better. 

Yes, it took work, but also, I am so lucky.

Lucky that I chose to be a band geek and lucky that my work was directed toward these amazing people that surround and inspire me every day. Lucky for all of the opportunities and the failures and the obstacles and the love. 

Ode to the hashtag.

Who knew that you would become this
when you had spent years lingering
around mathematician musings, 
lurking on the pages of 
disgruntled musicians 
or aiding the clarity that 
a dependent list-maker
displays to the world. 
Now, you are something entirely different. 
A social beacon
in the never-ending whirlpool
of silent change-makers 
and restless teenagers 
and 140-character junkies.
A ploy 
to the youth that is so 
apparently misunderstood
and to the crowd-followers 
who need a life raft  
motivating them to stay afloat 
in this technological province.  
A statement 
from the angst ridden
purposefully ironic 
naysayers 
and the carefree 
Facebook word-vomiters. 
You are a shapeshifter of identities
and a marker up to the discretion of its user. 

What would have been...

...if I had spent all of my time in Allen Hall, where advertising majors settle in and make their home over these four years, wearing out white board pens and staying up until the sun reappears to make the glare on the computer that tells them that it's time to go home. 

What would have been if I hadn't have made my home away from home out on a turf field, breathing in the cold air, tracing every inch of the turf over the years getting to my drill dot and using up my breath on music and not my words. 

What would have been if the little office on the opposite side of campus hadn't been my sanctuary because it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. If I didn't spend countless hours wasting my time, sharing my thoughts, building a family in that tiny room. Sitting and talking to everyone that passed through, just to hear what news they had for the day before they headed to their next class. If I didn't have the place where a friend and I went when we had no where else to go and laid on the floor to get away from the stress to just stare at the walls. If it wasn't the place where tears have dried on my face and obnoxious laughter has welcomed pains in my cheeks. 

How to escape when you have no where to go.

Step 1: Walk to your nearest bookshelf, bookstore, friends house.  

Step 2: Pick up a book.  

Step 3: Get comfy and read.  

Read until you forget where you are and are enveloped into the trance of a new world. One that is entirely not your own. Where you're not yourself. 

Read until you cry, tears rolling down your face because you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality anymore. 

Read until you can hear the character's voices and their quirks make you laugh like you're old friends. 

Measures of Success.

My chapter of Kappa Kappa Psi hosted a huge event this weekend for all of the leadership in the Western District of the United States. 

And it went incredibly well. All of the comments I received filled me with such a love and passion for this organization and what I'm doing. My chapter showed me that they are incredibly hospitable, willing to serve others, and able to work hard. I'm proud and I feel accomplished with my job as president of the chapter. 

One of the best measures of success is how the people you lead achieve. And the people I'm leading are on top of their game right now. 

My Creative Process.

This is probably the 3rd or 4th time I've done this exercise just because it's a popular one around here, but I enjoy it every time and seem to come up with something new or realize something else about myself. 

One buttock playing, shiny eyes, and minimizing impulses.

Basically, I love TED Talks. These posts will probably frequent my blog. 

Benjamin Zander discusses classical music... but there's so much more being said here! These things can apply to all types of leadership and passion. 

"It's one of the characteristics of a leader that he not doubt for one moment the capacity of the people he's leading to realize whatever he's dreaming." 

Leadership is great, but if you don't trust the people you are leading, where will that get you? Not very far! I experience this in marching band all the time where the leadership team comes up with some great ideas, but then when we get up in front of our people we don't trust that they will understand and then immediately have a negative reaction, bringing down the work as a whole. I strive to hold people to higher standards because I know from experience that people will surprise you. If you don't have faith that someone will get something done, they have no need to work hard because they have already disappointed you before they even began. If you set clear and high reaching expectations, they will most likely come through for you. Let yourself be surprised. 

"The conductor of an orchestra doesn't make a sound." As a leader, it is your job to give your people opportunities. Leadership is the power to help-- to make other people powerful. To awaken possibility in other people. 

Now here comes my favorite part. 

"Look at their eyes. If they're eyes are shining you know you're doing it." You can tell. When I'm leading a team or the marching band, speaking in front of a large group, or teaching at my summer camps, I love to look down and see their faces staring back at me with shining eyes. It is the warmest feeling and the best reward. Simply to see shining eyes. 

"Who am I being that my player's eyes are not shining?" Success is how many shiny eyes you have around you. 

Starting now.

Ready, set, start. 

Here it goes - my first blog post. 

I'm going to start with a video that we watched in my Creative Strategist class the other day. I swear I was almost crying in class because of how lost I got into the world that was in this video. 

The plight of American Rust Belt is obvious in places like Braddock, Pennsylvania. A former hub of America's industrial might, the steel township just outside of Pittsburgh suffered immense decline as U.S. steel and manufacturing industries collapsed. Subsequent drug-crime epidemic and economic downturns hasten its degeneration in recent years.

I raised my hand after we watched this video saying, "I just forgot this was even for Levi's. It got to the end and I was just like 'Damn.'" Great insight, I know. But my point is there -- that no matter what the end game of the video is, if the viewer loses themselves in the content then it will be much more successful. I didn't see this as an advertisement or promotion for Levi's, but rather as an idea that I bought into. The writing here is amazing and it's real -- "Maybe the world breaks on purpose, so we can have work to do." And then when the camera tilts to the sky to reveal the Levi's logo, I instantly had a new respect for that brand. 

One of the most important things in my mind that a brand can do is to make someone feel something- awe, sadness, inspiration, happiness. I want to feel that emotion before I ever know who even created it. 

And now, if this one didn't get me to tears, I most definitely felt my eyes watering during this next commercial. It's for Google Chrome, a product I already use. But they bring something new to the table and if you don't get emotional during this, I don't know how to convince you what this is doing right. 

VFX AE Artist- Lost Planet Editorial/BackHole. BBH in NYC.

I could watch that over and over and still tear up. You don't even think about what it's trying to promote, until it hits you with it at the very end after building up a relatable story and an emotional tie in everyone. We've all either been that parent or been the child growing up and wanted to have these memories forever. 

Also, as a side note, the music is beautifully timed in each of these. Music is such a powerful tool, in everything that we create. It harnesses emotion and leads the viewer through that journey. 

I'll go back to crying by myself over beautiful advertisements now. These are my thoughts for the day. Can't wait to explore some more of these creative ideas.